Discovering that you are pregnant can be an incredibly emotional time. But what happens when you have a positive test when you're not yet expecting it? Here Fozia discusses her feelings on finding out she was going to be a mum, and how scans helped her bond with her baby and make her look forward to motherhood:
However I didn’t feel like that.
I had recently got married and immediately fell pregnant. It wasn’t planned and people around me made me feel like it was the wrong time, and I couldn’t cope.
‘You don’t have your own home yet.’
‘You can barely look after yourself.’ ( I am the youngest in the family and always treated like a child).
All this made me scared. What am I going to do? How am I going to cope? Can I really look after a totally vulnerable baby? I was just getting used to being a wife and now suddenly I was going to be a mum too.
Because of this I struggled to bond with this growing baby. I was pretty much in denial the first 3 months. I am lucky in that I don’t have morning sickness, nor do I get a huge bump, so it was easy to ignore that I had this little life growing inside me.
The 12 week scan is when you first see your baby, and that is when reality hits; that you are really about to become a mum. It makes it all believable. I ended up having some major bleeding before my 12 week scan, and that’s when I realised that I did actually care about this baby. I was scared that I had lost her and for 2 days I thought I had. Finally a scan revealed a heartbeat.
Seeing the heartbeat was the turning point. I slowly started bonding with the baby. But it was still a struggle.
I was still scared. My life was about to change. I was going to have to grow up fast. Could I really be a mum? Could I really look after a baby? What if I didn’t fully bond with her when she arrived?
However, there was nothing to worry about. As soon as she was handed to me after a quick delivery, there really was an overwhelming feeling of love when she opened her eyes and tried to focus on me. I immediately began feeling protective of her.
I vowed to do my very best for this little person…and I did. That’s all you can do as a parent. Your best.
Fozia is a mum of 2 daughters. She was working as a legal adviser at the Citizens Advice Bureau but is currently a stay at home mum after being made redundant. She blogs at Muslim Mummy about her life in general and all things relating to babies, toddlers and children.